Renaming the Spider

I have been given orders to rename the spider that my girlfriend is scared of to Charlie the Spider as this is what she called it as a little growing sprout! Sad, I know but hey ho!

Lighter note!

On a lighter note my dog has learnt how to climb the fence into the neighbours garden and wait by his door for a treat until he comes out! Imagine being mugged in your own garden by the neighbours dog.....its his own fault for starting to give her treats in the first place!

Car crash of my life!

Well here goes! I have been lost for a long time and have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. So I recently changed jobs and took an £8000 basic pay cut to go and do another job. The boss at the new company had told me I should easily be earning the same as my previous role over the year if I included my bonuses. Now I couldn't have been thinking straight as there is no way anyone would make enough property sales in this economy to earn £8000 in bonuses. Lesson learnt - Do not believe everything you are told. Lets just say the boss talked a lot of shit and left me in a financial mire I could not see a way out of.

Panic attacks over money, 2 weeks off work and a course of Diazepam later and I went back to the same shit job. Well Monday came and after a week being back I had enough. I worked out basic wage, divided by the hours I was putting in over the year, discounting bonuses and I was earning less than minimum wage. What the fuck!!!!!!!!! I have no idea why I did not see this before!

Anyway long story short I handed in my notice there and then! So I now have a weeks garden leave and one hell of a job hunt on my hands.

I have not felt this good in a long time! I am not stressed, I feel no pressure and I am actually smiling and laughing.

I guess I will have to wait until Tuesday to see if I have a new job because if not then it'll all start again! Now I have never taken a risk this big in my life before and it has kind of made me feel more alive! I have a job interview tomorrow so I am hoping for some serious luck!

Sorry this couldn't be funny or entertaining but I guess I felt the need to write it down! I'll keep you posted!

Time

Time wasted doing nothing, is not time wasted at all!

Do not know if I heard this or wrote it but its true.

Forget about everyone else,
Its YOURSELF you sholdn't let down!

12-Aug-2007

What to live for?

Dont dwell on the 'What ifs?',
Live for the 'What Nows?'

Written sometime between
04/2003 and 04/2004

Dreams

Distant are these dreams,
Realisation is the key,
Eternal chasing is the way,
Acceleration is the pace,
Momentum's needed for the chase,
Stopping only when you get there.

Dreams are our reason for living,
NEVER FORGET THIS!

Written sometime in 2000

Asking the Question!

Seriously now I am a 29 year old lost cause. I have been asking myself the same question since I was a teenager and I have never even come close to an answer....... "what should I do with my life?".

I have tried out so many things and so many paths but all have left me unsatisfied. I have a been a Forklift truck operator, a logisitcs coordinator, trainee mechanic, a clinic coordinator for cancer patients, a production planner, and an estate agent to name but a few. I even went to university and got a degree in business. All this and I still don't know what to do with my life.

No matter how many times I try it always has the same outcome and I always end up back at square one asking the same question again.

Please tell me does anyone else feel the same way? Does anyone else NOT know which direction to take in life? Does anyone else feel lost?

I would have thought at my age with my experience I would have found my path in life but I guess fate just has other plans. Why is it I just cant get on in life and be satisifed? Why is it I am constantly feeling lost? Why is it I have no answers after 13 years of asking the same questions again and again and again?

After all this time I have to ask myself.........."Am I asking the right questions?

Just a Clue?

Nearly everyday I ask you for help.
You tell me to help myself first.
Everyday I ask you for direction.
You tell me to direct myself.
Everyday I'm lost.
You tell me to find myself.
Everyday I ask you to help me choose a path.
You tell me to choose my own path.
Everyday I ask you "What should I do?"
And you answer "Write it down!"

23/10/01